Horsemeat: shut up and eat it.

Sky News: “What should people do if they have purchased frozen meat, since found out it contains horse, but have already spent their food budget for the month?”

That was an actual question asked an hour ago by a Sky News reporter; as ever, the UK media doing it’s best to make every day stories sound like we are all going to die in a minute.

Well, I guess there is only one thing for it Sky News:

Gather the children around the kitchen table.

Pull the curtains.

Unplug the phone line.

Crush poison into their toast.

Then into your own.

Tell your children it will all be okay as you watch them eat.

Hug them close.

Tell them you love them.

Spread a little more butter on.

Because, holy fuck, killing them has to be more humane than facing the reality they may or may not have, at some point, digested horse meat.

So much attention is being paid to the “horse” nobody is noticing the “meat.”

Tracy is picking her nose and wiping the contents of her brain under the table. Her children are swearing, and one of them has a slice of pickle sliding down his forehead.

Tracy read The Sun this morning, or at least read the front page headline, and Tracy is angry.

Tracy is sitting in McDonald’s.

She tells her friend she can’t believe the rubbish turning up in food these days, as they eagerly shove their second box of chicken nuggets down their throat with a coke.

But we know; chicken nuggets are less chicken, more bits of brain, leg, bone and skin.

Dress a human in a full suit or armor and get them to lay in a bath of coke for three months, and they’ll be eaten away until all that remains is an eyeball.

But we don’t care about any of that, because we all know McDonald’s is bad for you.

So it’s not really a question of taste, people are getting upset about being lied to.

The sophisticated posh folk are disgusted too, understandably; Rupert recently gifted her daughter a horse, and she’s named it and rides him before school.

The horse that is, not Rupert.

Rupert sits with his family as they enjoy their meal, and he tells his wife how people can’t even trust what’s inside their food.

He says to eat horse is a sign of the times, and sighs, and says one day humans will eat each other. Mark my words he says, this isn’t over.

He says this is the start of a slippery slope, and if you look around, there is no rope.

Rupert’s wife nods her head, because she’s been watching the news, and cannot believe what the world’s coming to.

Their daughter Princess, cannot speak, but looks up from the table covered in grease.

She swallows her meal, and looks up from her plate;

“Daddy, this Pate Foie Gras is great.”

We are meat eaters.

There is no nice way of being a meat eater.

We harvest happy go lucky animals, trap them in cages, lop of their heads, and eat everything from their skin, to their testicles and bones.

That’s what we do; that’s humanity.

To say it’s okay to eat a cow, and not a horse, is hypocritical.

To us, it’s all food.

The proof is in the pudding, because nobody knew; nobody stopped eating because they were choking on hoof.

Horse meat tastes good, or at least must taste the same as cow meat; otherwise people would have stopped eating the food.

What will Tracy think when they put the beef back in, and the price of her weekly shop increases, to a price she can’t afford, because her meat no longer has horse in?

Will Sky News ask that Question?

How long until she asks for the horse to come back, and apologises for the nature of her current attack?

Yes, what’s on the packaging should be what’s inside the food, but should is a massive word.

Now we know what’s on the packaging is not the truth, instead of panicking and running around like these are our last minutes on earth…

Instead of replacing all of the meat, and shutting down factories and launching expensive legal procedures, which will turn into expensive criminal trials…

I’ve got an idea, we should probably enforce…

Let’s change the packaging to include the word “horse.”

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10 thoughts on “Horsemeat: shut up and eat it.

  1. for instance, i have to go pee right now, and i can just do it without going on my little cousin and then tromping round up to my knees in it, all mixed with my cousin’s and the rest of my family’s and communities piss and shit, so that some pig-faced human can eat my thigh later while my soul lingers over their dinner table and watches them for, seemingly, an eternity. …It’s a (strong) possibility..

  2. The manner of containment, oppressed life and brutal death is the problem. The variety and complexity of uncomfortable reflexes, and the seeming eternity of longing and agitation cannot be put into words for the infinity of them to the individual creature.

    What if, when a predator takes its prey in the wild, death will not ensue until the moment is exact for ascension and completion of the cycle of life? May seems slow but is a rhapsody, and a vital, organic process for cleansing of spiritual, or consciousness energy, from the environment and atmosphere.

  3. The manner of containment, oppressed life and brutal death is the problem. The variety and complexity of uncomfortable reflexes, and the seeming eternity of longing and agitation cannot be put into words for the infinity of them to the individual creature.

    What if, when a predator takes its prey in the wild, death will not ensue until the moment is exact for ascension and completion of the cycle of life? May seems slow but is a rhapsody, and a vital, organic process for cleansing of spiritual, or consciousness energy, from the environment and atmosphere.

  4. I agree with everything you have said but came at this from a different angel – http://themushroomruminations.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/horse-meat-scandal/ – extract from the above:
    However, none of the above concerns me. What does concern me is the animal welfare. And the safety of the food itself. With reports of some of the horse meat having been generated from as far away as Romania and Poland, and with a clear disregard for laws governing food processing, it is difficult for me to imagine the people involved having much respect for the animals’ living – and dying – conditions, for the health and safety regulations regarding the processing and the transportation of the food – not to mention the working conditions of the employees of the companies and businesses involved.
    Just saying 🙂

  5. Horse meat tastes slightly sweeter and has a coarser texture than beef. One day a long time ago, someone fed it to a bunch of us without telling us beforehand. We didn’t die. Even so, we have a right to know what’s in the food we eat. Even when we make horrible decisions, they out to be our own horrible decisions. And, finally, there’s just so bloomin’ much to get het up about nowadays. Like, did you know there’s a maximum number of rodent hairs and insect parts that can be in your food, by law? You’d think the maximum would be zero, but that is to discount the realities of nature. She may abhor a vacuum, but she loves a warehouse full of food!

  6. I enjoyed reading this, and although I have no issue with eating “organic” horse meat….most horses are treated with medications (not just talking antibiotics here) that remain in the muscle tissue and are not healthy for consumption by humans. I think this fact is the main problem people are having with this.
    Would I be panicking if I found out that I had accidentally consumed some horse meat….no. But would I want to repeatedly and purposefully expose myself to the chemicals in horse meat, no thanks.
    Clever little entry though! 🙂

    1. I completely agree. I wouldn’t be panicking, but I wouldn’t buy it again. I have worked on horse farms, and you are right. The chemicals that stay in there muscle and fat cells should never be ingested by humans.

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