Sky News: “What should people do if they have purchased frozen meat, since found out it contains horse, but have already spent their food budget for the month?”
That was an actual question asked an hour ago by a Sky News reporter; as ever, the UK media doing it’s best to make every day stories sound like we are all going to die in a minute.
Well, I guess there is only one thing for it Sky News:
Gather the children around the kitchen table.
Pull the curtains.
Unplug the phone line.
Crush poison into their toast.
Then into your own.
Tell your children it will all be okay as you watch them eat.
Hug them close.
Tell them you love them.
Spread a little more butter on.
Because, holy fuck, killing them has to be more humane than facing the reality they may or may not have, at some point, digested horse meat.
So much attention is being paid to the “horse” nobody is noticing the “meat.”
Tracy is picking her nose and wiping the contents of her brain under the table. Her children are swearing, and one of them has a slice of pickle sliding down his forehead.
Tracy read The Sun this morning, or at least read the front page headline, and Tracy is angry.
Tracy is sitting in McDonald’s.
She tells her friend she can’t believe the rubbish turning up in food these days, as they eagerly shove their second box of chicken nuggets down their throat with a coke.
But we know; chicken nuggets are less chicken, more bits of brain, leg, bone and skin.
Dress a human in a full suit or armor and get them to lay in a bath of coke for three months, and they’ll be eaten away until all that remains is an eyeball.
But we don’t care about any of that, because we all know McDonald’s is bad for you.
So it’s not really a question of taste, people are getting upset about being lied to.
The sophisticated posh folk are disgusted too, understandably; Rupert recently gifted her daughter a horse, and she’s named it and rides him before school.
The horse that is, not Rupert.
Rupert sits with his family as they enjoy their meal, and he tells his wife how people can’t even trust what’s inside their food.
He says to eat horse is a sign of the times, and sighs, and says one day humans will eat each other. Mark my words he says, this isn’t over.
He says this is the start of a slippery slope, and if you look around, there is no rope.
Rupert’s wife nods her head, because she’s been watching the news, and cannot believe what the world’s coming to.
Their daughter Princess, cannot speak, but looks up from the table covered in grease.
She swallows her meal, and looks up from her plate;
“Daddy, this Pate Foie Gras is great.”
We are meat eaters.
There is no nice way of being a meat eater.
We harvest happy go lucky animals, trap them in cages, lop of their heads, and eat everything from their skin, to their testicles and bones.
That’s what we do; that’s humanity.
To say it’s okay to eat a cow, and not a horse, is hypocritical.
To us, it’s all food.
The proof is in the pudding, because nobody knew; nobody stopped eating because they were choking on hoof.
Horse meat tastes good, or at least must taste the same as cow meat; otherwise people would have stopped eating the food.
What will Tracy think when they put the beef back in, and the price of her weekly shop increases, to a price she can’t afford, because her meat no longer has horse in?
Will Sky News ask that Question?
How long until she asks for the horse to come back, and apologises for the nature of her current attack?
Yes, what’s on the packaging should be what’s inside the food, but should is a massive word.
Now we know what’s on the packaging is not the truth, instead of panicking and running around like these are our last minutes on earth…
Instead of replacing all of the meat, and shutting down factories and launching expensive legal procedures, which will turn into expensive criminal trials…
I’ve got an idea, we should probably enforce…
Let’s change the packaging to include the word “horse.”