Wanted: one billionaire to change the world


The biggest problem with politics today is politicians. Humans who come through the same school, learn how to replicate the sins of the past with no ability to think for themselves, in order to maintain a system that has lasted for centuries where they simply swap power between each other every few years under the illusion of democracy. Here’s a fact, if all the cards in the deck are the same card, and you are asked to pick one – you are not free because you pick the card. You are imprisoned, but you just can’t see the bars.

If there is war on the ground, there is evil in the towers of power above. Whatever our leaders do, trickles down to the gutter, where some of us look up at the star-shaped heels stamping all over our lives. We have forever been a people of war, a planet of the few manipulating the many to kill. That’s because we have forever had a certain mindset in charge of the world. Our leaders have created a world where we hurt people because we fear they’re going to hurt us. That’s not a philosophy that can ever lead to peace. If the question requires wisdom as the answer – our answer for too long has been bombs. Einstein said “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”

Well fuck people, it’s about time we move things in the opposite direction. And it’s possible, and this blog post is all about how we do it…

Someone once said something along the lines of all evil has to do to win is for good to do nothing. I know that authors, philosophers, scientists, people of conscience, don’t think like politicians. Politicians are trained from childhood to become plastic Gods. I’m not sure what talents or use they have. I know it feels alien for a being of conscience to stand up and say ‘vote for me’ – but the time has come for normal intelligent thinkers to act. The good people against war and poverty need to want to take control of the gravy train with biscuit wheels because if you look closely, the biscuit wheels are broken and the gravy train is full with the blood of children. Enough is enough.

There’s nothing egotistical about trying to save the country, about drawing a line in the sand – but, perhaps, there is something cowardly in forever talking about the problems, and then doing absolutely nothing to change them.

So, here’s how…


Step 1: ONE PINT (Party of Intelligent Normal Thinkers)


No more twats. That’s a rule. No more rubber faces, no more rich leading the poor, no more gesticulation during speeches – in fact, no more rehearsed speeches. Politicians today are cheap actors facilitating their own demands. How do we change this? Simple. Our leaders of tomorrow are everywhere, and the beauty of it is – you already know who they are, and so do they. They’re already unhappy with how the country is being run. You listen to them. You like them. You trust them – not because they want to be loved, not because the system forces three terrible voting options on all of us every few years – but because they’re being themselves, they make a lot of sense – but ultimately – because you respect their brains and their thinking process. They are normal. When I say normal, I don’t mean the veneer of perfection we see from our politicians – the holding up of a baby, the walk to the shops with the wife – I mean they are flawed. They have ups and downs. They are real.

PINT is a vision for a new political party – forged by people who have gathered status because of their art/minds/achievements in specific fields. You know, the people who should actually be running the country because we respect them. Scientists would make choices based on logic, philosophers would make choices based on humanity. The people in charge would be in charge because they’re either experts or have gained our respect – and not because they were ejaculated out of the right set of privileged testicles forty eight years ago.

Imagine a political party full of authors, philosophers, humanists and people who believe in fairness, equality and not killing. A party not racist, a party who does not decide its policies based on whatever makes them popular, but has ideas and thoughts all on their own because the people in the party aren’t idiots, and backs up their decisions by explaining the logic behind them. Imagine a party who does not blame the poor for the mistakes of the rich, a party empty of people who want power and crave it – but full of those who lead because the people demanded that they do. PINT would be a party forced into being through the failures of the current political system. Imagine a political party made up of the following thinkers, and then answer the question – would you vote for them, for the chance of a better way of being?

Stephen Fry, James Rhodes, Matt Haig, Owen Jones, Russell Brand, Simon Pegg, Ricky Gervais, Karl Pilkington, David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker, Armando Iannucci, Caitlin Moran, Jarvis Cocker etc…

What I’m saying is – this is possible. A lot of the people above already speak out and all of them speak common sense. All of them are aware –like I am – that we live in a day and age where (because of Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Blogs) a revolution has never been easier.

And if they did unite – no political party, no agenda, no media bias, no political speech or politician in an immaculate suit could stop the people of the UK voting for PINT. The UK would no longer be led by the privileged 1%, it would be led by everyday brilliant minds. And then, well, aren’t you curious to know what the world could become if we put thinkers and people of peace in charge, instead of fools with egos who are indebted to bankers and the rich people who paid for them to be put into power?

We’ve tried the old way since forever.

We have never had peace. It simply does not work.

And, if we get PINT up and running and it doesn’t work and we discover that normal people with intelligence can’t run a country – then PINT will be voted out and we will know, for certain, that we did – at the very least – give peace a chance. And perhaps that’s all we need to abolish the guilt embedded into the consciousness of mankind. Besides, what could PINT do that would be so bad? Start a war? Steal from the public? Let banks get away with theft? Build houses only for the rich? Murder thousands of innocent people in an illegal war? Stand back and say nothing about Syria? Hmm…


Dear Billionaire…

Somewhere in the UK right now you’re sitting in a nice house, perhaps with a paper and a coffee. Maybe with a horse in the chair next to you, and a swimming pool full of sticky toffee pudding and skittles with your name carved into the surface of their thin crunchy skin. Because you can. Your money has brought you security. Made you a force of influence. Saved a horse. You can buy anything you want. You could spend a hundred thousand pounds a day, and still not spend all your money in a lifetime. What if we were to offer you the chance to save the world? What if we could offer something far greater than money, and we told you that you can bring your horse along for the ride if you want to? What if you could die knowing you funded the team who changed the face of British politics forever and all it cost you was something you already had in abundance?

We are starting a new political party, or at least creating the ball and then finding the top of a hill. Something along the lines of PINT (Party of Intelligent Normal Thinkers), but that’s a working title. Billionaire – we offer you immortality. In exchange for a billion pounds you’ll be supporting the revolution UK politics needs, and if the rest of the world copies the template then you may well have funded the beginning of a world where peace is sought not by dropping bombs, but by starting again with apologies and conversations, instead of perpetuating fear and hatred. Einstein would have liked you.

DISCLAIMER: For all the money that you give PINT, in return, you get absolutely no political influence. None. Zero. Nada. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Thank you, but we’ll take it from here. There will be no deals under the table. You give your money because you want a better world, or are at least tired of doing nothing about trying to make a better one. Then you walk away. PINT will be free from any outside influence, free from greed and the nonsense of the past.

So, get in contact with us. Let’s do lunch, and change mankind over a salad.


PINT (Party of Intelligent Normal Thinkers)
[Signed by members of PINT]


The question is, with so many people in the UK completely disillusioned with politics, with David Cameron cutting the NHS and Ed Miliband deciding to eat a bacon sandwich for a political stunt, and somehow managing to shove it into his brain through his nose, with Nigel Farage a homophobic and openly racist dinosaur – the question is – how can this possibly fail? And who are we if we don’t try to stop it?

The people of the UK hate politicians for good reason – the powder keg of change is already full of explosives. All we have to do is light it. How? Easy. The billionaire funds the party. With a big bank balance, authors, speakers, scientists, philosophers, experts in their fields and people of conscience are contacted.

And then we pour PINT all over Britain.

With Social Media we have a voice, with You Tube we have a television channel, with the likes of Owen Jones, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand etc PINT would have an immediate audience. With a billionaire we would have enough financial clout to get the party promoted all over Britain. The public would re-engage with politics. We tell the UK about PINT. We present the new type of politician – and we give the people of Britain true choice for the first time in its history. You can vote Nigel, Cameron or Ed – or you can vote PINT.

We fill out the registration form and make PINT a political party. It’s a quick Google search away. The thinkers become politicians, the billionaire bankrolls the entire thing, the people of the nation go mental for change – we are faced with the new prospect of the following election battles…

Stephen Fry vs David Cameron, Russell Brand vs Ed Milliband, Owen Jones vs Nigel Farage, Ricky Gervais vs Boris Johnson.

Who is the country going to vote for? In terms of political voting, it would be a massacre. The new party would be voted in. In charge would be people of conscience, not people of greed. And then, who knows what could happen. I have ideas about how to create true world peace, but first, I need one billionaire with some balls and a vision.

We have David Cameron as our leader, and the people trying to take his seat are soon to be Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson. Doing nothing and hoping it gets better is no longer an option.

So if you are a billionaire, get in touch.

If you’re on Twitter or Facebook, share this blogpost with your friends, send it to the celebrities until they read it. Find a billionaire up for a challenge.

Owen Jones, Stephen Fry, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand, James Rhodes, Matt Haig, Simon Pegg, Karl Pilkington, David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker, Armando Iannucci, Caitlin Moran, Jarvis Cocker etc – yes, you could stay writing, filming, entertaining and being brilliant masters at your own crafts, you could continue doing your bit to make people happy… but what if making the step up from entertaining people to leading people isn’t that much of a step at all? What if, separate you are powerful individuals all sharing similar philosophies, but together you are capable of doing the seemingly impossible?

What if all the thoughts you put in your books, music, films and art are ideas that if you were in charge, would start painting a big smiley face on the world?

You are – whether you like it or not – our only realistic hope for change. Sorry, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

That’s just how it is.

Think about it. Get in touch.

Let’s change the world with a PINT*.

*Does not include Justin Bieber.


11 thoughts on “Wanted: one billionaire to change the world

  1. There’s a famous saying by Paul Begala that politics is showbusiness for the ugly. It’s pithy because it’s true – essentially what you’re proposing is that we swap one bunch of raving egomaniacs for another, financially backed by a gazillionaire. So what’s new? As Roger Daltrey sang: “meet the new boss, same as the old boss.”

    And (assuming they got elected) you’re assuming that the rest of the world would view this stroke of über-fawning at the feet of celebrity culture (called PINT) as a serious political entity. Called PINT. Will President Putin think twice about his reinstatement of a soviet state when faced with a slightly effete quiz show host? Will the dozens of impressionable young Muslims suddenly think twice about betraying the country of their birth when Ricky Gervais tweets a picture of himself gurning? Will Carl Juncker be forced into backpedalling into a renegotiation of the UK’s terms of membership of the European Union when faced with Simon Pegg’s terrifying Glaswegian accent?

    Unfortunately If you scratch the surface of what most celebrities do… well, there’s actually not much beneath it. Just like politicians.

    At least with the way things are you won’t end up hating the people you love.

    1. Ha! – all valid points DG. Love that last line.

      The thing is we don’t *quite* know what would be know if we swapped them. What I’m saying is let’s find out. It’s about time. Is it possible? Could it happen? Perhaps these conversations are a reflection that we have never been closer to living in a world where real change is possible. Or, perhaps these conversations are nothing more than the product of a man sitting naked at his PC, with a bottle of gin in one hand, a packet of peanuts in the other, and a book in his third hand titled “Do you really have three hands, or should you put the gin down?”

      I agree – famous people are egomaniacs, but I don’t base that on politicians or fame. I think all people are likely egomaniacs to varying degrees. You only need to work in an office for a bit to see the politics to know we all value our own opinions (secretly or not) above others. We would be swapping one set of ego’s for another, yes, but I’ll take the egos of those who have reached the top through merit, over those who have reached the top through a system designed to fast track them to the summit. There’s wisdom in the journey. Perhaps. And if I’m wrong, and there isn’t – then I’m willing to bet that there’s at least the same amount of wisdom in the journey as being born to be schooled to become a financial or political success.

      I take your point over PINT not being seriously considered.because of the name – but, have you seen how idiots react to celebrities? It’s just as likely Putin etc would be the first in line for Gervais’ signature. Want to go out and shoot bears with him. Have a hot bath in bullets and the blood of Ukrainian children. Gervais would probably turn that bath down. I hope he would. I don’t know for sure though – and I think that hope is a better starting point, to the bitter reality we have ended up in 🙂

  2. Loved this blog. You took the words right out of my mouth. As a ‘poor’ pensioner living on peanuts the Government says is enough, (I have to make a choice this year: heating or eating – I can’t do both!) I would welcome PINT as the new way to run Britain and perhaps we can put the ‘Great’ back into Great Britain.

  3. What a great concept. Paul Merton would be a great foreign secretary, but please don’t add Jeremy Clarkson or any of his juvenile cronies to your list! … and therein lies a problem – who decided what celebrities are appropriate for this?

  4. Hi! – I totally agree, the names were the first out of my head – I’m not sure, but let’s say a political party is made up of 50 people, I think we need a load of brilliant women, and a load of brilliant minds from all sort of ethnic and diverse backgrounds. We can’t think openly with only one type of mind opening. It’s a tricky thing education – I’m not against a certain type of education, I’m against a certain type of mind leading the country, and I think certain schools have a higher rate of producing similar type minds. But, there are always exceptions. But, where possible, people who have lived a life, will always be better at making decisions that effect the lives of others. Right now, we have kids who go to school, become adults in school, then leave school and lead the UK. How can that work? Where is their wisdom from? We need a bit more human in our humanity. Thank you for offering to fund the experiment! If PINT picks up speed, you can always become an MP (Member of PINT). Britain should be working harder for you, you shouldn’t be working your fingers into bloody stumps because it feels good. David Cameron doesn’t even drive his own car. lol.

  5. You’re spot on about the problem. Interesting solution. I’d like to see your selection of celebrity blokes expanded to include some women (Sandi Toksvig would make a great PM) and a few more thinking satirists (Andy Hamilton is my favourite). I started googling celebrities to add to your list, and I found most of the obvious candidates have similar education backgrounds to our inept leaders… Are they really sufficiently distanced from ‘the establishment’ to change things? Perhaps not, but they can’t do any worse. I’m sorry I’m not a billionaire, or I’d offer to help fund the experiment. As an exhausted member of ‘hardworking Britain’ I’ve barely got enough to stand you a pint.

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